hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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