Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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