I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
