I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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