my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
