I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
