Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
