You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
