can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
