Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
