Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
