I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
