i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
