she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
