just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize