I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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