fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
