Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
