none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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