we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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