Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize