Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
