Cold hands, warm shart.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
