so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize