I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
