im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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