So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
