My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
