I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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