Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
