Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
