Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
