Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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