i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
