Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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