I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Drunk is not a location!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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