I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
