before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
