found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
