Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
