Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
