Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize