im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
