He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize