They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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