Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
