Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
