At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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