I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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