Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
