Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
