Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
