Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I forgot wine drunk hurts
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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