i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
