we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize