She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
