Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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