so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize