Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
