Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
