Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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