i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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