I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
