My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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