i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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