I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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