Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
