Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
