I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize