If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
