We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
