yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
