Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize