You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
