Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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