come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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