I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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