Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
