Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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