Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
