i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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