i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
wow bdsm is so cute
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
