Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
