idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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