well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
