I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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