i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
