i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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