uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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