So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
