he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we're making bets on your personal life
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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