Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
