She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
