The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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