We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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