my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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