Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
