At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
