his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
