I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
