you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
