Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
