I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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