So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
